Choco Banana Ice Cream Rap - You Suck at Cooking (episode 48) by You Suck At Cooking   2 years ago


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Take some very ripe bananas, up to almost no-longer edible, then freeze them. Freeze them overnight, or for at least a few hours, the texture depends on total frozenaciousness.

In a food processor or blender, throw in, for example,
two bananas,
half a cup of soy or almond milk (or other milk),
a tablespoon of coco powder,
half a teaspoon or so of vanilla extract.
Just add more of anything if the texture isn't as thick or thin as you want. Then eat it.


First off I wanna talk about the word cream
You gotta not be taking it so literally,
I should probably put the cream in quotations.
But when you shove your face in
There will be no indication
It's an imitation of sorts.

Bring you back to the summer time wearing shorts.
Good times laughing, face splattered,
smashing back and packing down a triple chocolate caramel
Way back before the calories mattered

If I were you I wouldn’t be convinced,
But let me tell you’ll convert into believers after one lick,
There isn’t gonna be a chance for it to drip,
You’ll be shattering your tongue on a head freeze brain trip.

4 ingredient ice cream let’s get started.

Thumb and index, at the vertex.
Grab a little hammer and make sure to test the reflex.
You gotta be confident your banana is dead,
You’re not wanting the consequence of it screaming when it’s blen-dead

Time to locate the stem, okay.
If you can’t exactly narrow it down it’s time to rotate
a pinch above the shaft just a little ways, from the end,
3 inches from the back of the middle bend, open it.

Chopping into inches, once slice at a time,
If you’re a dude 1 inch in real life is 3 inches in your mind,
In a container that's rigid enough for frigid temperatures of,
Drop it down so low they might not ever get up.

What’s going through your mind, banana.
You’ve been warm all of your life.
And now you’re so damn
cold. cold. cold. cold.
Is your world falling apart, well I just don’t know

You’ll be needing to be keeping ‘em until they’re freezing.
Until you can’t even be squeezing them a cold breeze leaving em,
They’ll shatter if you hit ‘em with a ratchet or hammer,
They’ll make a nice hard sound that’s really pleasing.
Gather your supplies and circle them around you like their wagons
You don’t wanna be knee deep missing something end up lagging.
Coco powder, with a little vanilla,
then a little soy or almond milk, grab a blender and fill it up

Delicious dish Getting ready to mix.
Try to churn with a fork, make you wish you had a Vitamix.
Gotta be on a bender to think that you can do better
you’re gonna need some kinda modern mechanical blender

Now gettit in there and mix.
And once you got it mixed ‘en that’s it. (do dark and pause).

I’m not even kidding that’s it.

Vanilla bananas and milk and coco and mix and that’s it.
Get a cup and serve it up impossible to fuck it up.

You don’t have a mind, banana. You’ve been unconscious all of your life.
And now you’re ice cream.
What does that mean?
Life’s a mystery.
You don’t have a mind but at least you're real tasty.


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